please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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