I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have fence marks all over my body
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Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
how drunk are you?
Several
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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