period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
