plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
