I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm too high and old for this...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
