im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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