I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
