I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
