I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
