TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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