The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
