so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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