I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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