Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
