wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
