I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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