A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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