a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
