you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
