Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
