Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
