I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
