He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
