can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
