Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
