Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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