So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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