Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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