i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
