Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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