Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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