so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
