I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
