haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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