3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
