STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
