remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
