you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
