if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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