you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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