remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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