haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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