I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
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Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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