i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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