I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
