woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
