you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
