watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
