Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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