She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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