He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
