okay pat passed out under dana's car
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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