Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
