this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
