im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
