I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
