Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Rumble strips road head = magical
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
