I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
