Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
