a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
