DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
