i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
