Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
