I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
