yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
