Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
