Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
