Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.

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  (770): I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter. http://tfl.nu/9rwz
  Replies (20) Good night (3653) Bad night (721)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

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  (443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8
  Replies (16) Good night (2077) Bad night (6858)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I am going to be fat forever.

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  (970): I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer. (970): I am going to be fat forever. http://tfl.nu/3hpn
  Replies (16) Good night (1502) Bad night (3246)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....

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  (320): I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early .... http://tfl.nu/6r9w
  Replies (12) Good night (2581) Bad night (911)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day

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  (970): You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day http://tfl.nu/to93
  Replies (6) Good night (1944) Bad night (618)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.

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  (519): After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin. http://tfl.nu/r7ve
  Replies (1) Good night (1413) Bad night (553)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.

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  (519): My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/s24c
  Replies (19) Good night (3713) Bad night (681)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership

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  (256): I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership http://tfl.nu/f2mt
  Replies (7) Good night (1042) Bad night (543)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions

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  (787): antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/y7o6
  Replies (4) Good night (765) Bad night (446)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.

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  (240): This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn. http://tfl.nu/cv1s
  Replies (3) Good night (406) Bad night (647)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.

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  (541): I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend. http://tfl.nu/dn5d
  Replies (7) Good night (1315) Bad night (356)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing

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  (312): Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing http://tfl.nu/oxks
  Replies (8) Good night (1367) Bad night (425)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny

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  (678): The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny http://tfl.nu/ejq7
  Replies (5) Good night (366) Bad night (731)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.

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  (914): Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants. http://tfl.nu/muni
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (274)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I will have no part of this.

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  (423): I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down. (423): I will have no part of this. http://tfl.nu/im0o
  Replies (3) Good night (377) Bad night (824)

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