you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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