if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
