I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You were trust falling into bushes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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