I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you win again, gameday.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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