When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
