I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar