But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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