He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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