the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
