I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
