first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
