We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
