everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
