Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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