2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
