I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
