I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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