Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
