Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
