If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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