I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They are going to name an STD after you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
