At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
